January Character Interview
Patricia Parrington ~ January 15, 2025
Hello my lovely readers and fellow book-lovers! For those of you who are new here, I, your candle-loving host Patricia Parrington, have the pleasure of interviewing characters from books all over the world.
Today we have here with us Prudence Osgood from the adult LGBTQ+ horror series The Spectral Inspector by Cooper S. Beckett. Cooper believes an inauthentic life isn’t worth living which is why, like his character Osgood, he lives proudly as a member of the LGBTQ community. Cooper has been writing since he was in the sixth grade, and with everything he does, he puts more of himself into it.
Meet Osgood
[Patrica leans back against the stuffed cushions of her orange suede couch. A scented candle flickers from the coffee table in between her and her guest.]
Welcome to Fable Features, Osgood! You go by Osgood, yes? I hope you don’t mind the smell of pine.
[She nods at the candle.]
Pine reminds me of the Pacific Northwest, particularly the North Bend and Snoqualmie region. Great big Douglas firs up there.
That sounds beautiful! What’s your favorite smell?
[Osgood smiles slyly.]
I’m told this is for young adults, so I’ll tell them that whiskey and bourbon tastes as terrible as it smells, kids. There ain’t nothing like the smell of an apple pie baking. Especially if it has a glazed cinnamon sugar crust and the brown sugar has melted and sorta caramelized . . .
Getting hungry just thinking about it. I also [clear’s throat] like other . . . after school type smells.
Mmm I love the smell of apple pie baking. Good one!
What are your thoughts on lying?
Circumstantial. Yunno?
Like, is a lie going to make someone happier than the truth? “Susie, your dog died, and bad news on that, probably ain’t no doggy heaven.” Or “Of course you’ll see little Scraps again Susie, and Scraps’ll be right by your side watching you.” That rule scales up to adulthood in surprising ways, too. Now, lying just to lie, or lying to make yourself feel better. That’s when it’s iffy to crappy.
[Osgood gulps.]
Can I say crappy? Sorry kids.
That’s a great way to look at it. And I love the dog example!
Speaking of doggy heaven and the afterlife, do you believe in the afterlife?
Yeah, pretty sure there’s something. I’ve spent enough time . . . outside the world to know that this ain’t it. I don’t know about God and the devil, heaven, hell, that stuff, so don’t ask me which is the one true religion or anything. The only gods I’ve met have been jerks and the places I’ve been didn’t really feel like heaven, but then I never really thought I had a chance getting in there in the first place, even when I was a
[She makes air quotes with her fingers]
good little girl.
You said you’ve spent time outside the world and now I’m curious—what was the circumstance that allowed you to do so? What was it like?
Well, the word “allowed” would suggest that it was my choice. How can I give you a quick version of this. Once upon a time . . . I died. Eight and a half minutes, I was dead. Car crash. I was only 19. I met, well . . . something . . . in the dark. I still don’t know if he . . . if it was a demon, a demigod, or something else we may not have a name for. Because of that, I gained access, I guess you could say, to a part of my brain or abilities or skills that allowed me access to the space outside the world, universe. . . dimension. . . which I called the margins.
Later on, I found out that being different, or special, was in my genes I guess. As my aunt put it, the Osgood men might carry the family name, but it’s the Osgood women who are exceptional.
Kinda vague, isn’t it?
But outside the world isn’t pretty, and it isn’t friendly. It’s at once cold and vast and empty, and at the same time full of horror. Like the ocean can seem completely empty, but if there’s blood in the water, all sorts of animals will come cruising.
That does sound terrifying. I’ll make a note not to visit the outside world in that case.
What inanimate object do you wish you could eliminate from existence?
Bullets. Let ‘em keep the guns. Get rid of the bullets.
Oh interesting!
[Patricia nods, mulling it over.]
I do like that idea. And if we kept guns around, we could load them with nicer things—like bubbles. What would you load them with?
[She snorts a laugh.]
Things that are probably inappropriate for the kiddos.
No. Um. How about. Jeez. I mean nerf darts are fun.
[Patricia laughs.]
True! Those are fun.
Who do you usually turn to for help?
My best friend, Audrey Frost. We dated once, but I screwed that up. I also screwed up our friendship for a long time by lying, like we just talked about. I lied because I thought it would help her out, but instead it made her hate me. So . . . again, don’t lie. But we’re good now. ‘Cuz I helped her find out what happened to her sister. It . . . wasn’t great. But you know how important . . . well you might not yet. When you get as old as I do, you start feeling like good or bad, just knowing the answer is better than not.
But that’s not the question. Audrey’s brilliant. And she’s got a great head on her shoulders and very rarely lets herself get carried away by her emotions. I start there, yunno? Like I’m already on a seven and the conversation has barely even started.
Wow, Audrey sounds like an amazing, reliable person to have in your life! I’m glad you were able to reconcile with her.
They say our living spaces can tell a lot about who we are. What does your home or room look like?
I live in Andersonville. In The City. We call it that, but most people call it Chicago. Andersonville was once Swedish Town, but somewhere along the line a whole bunch of hipsters and lesbians moved in, kinda forced the gangs out, and made it this great little neighborhood. My apartment is above Mary’s Diner and Bar. I frequent both sides far too often. I live with Audrey, but not like girlfriends. She lives down the hall. It’s important I think. And even if we were dating again, she’d probably still live down the hall.
My room has blackout curtains, so really any time of the day or night, it can be pitch black in there. I do frequently break things I’ve dropped on the floor, though. Can’t tell you how many pairs of glasses I’ve broken. That’s why I just do the acrylic frames ‘cuz most of the time you can just pop the lenses right back in.
Audrey’s room is spartan. I don’t know how she does it, she has like three things on her night stand. My mother said if your area is cluttered that means you are either poor at organization or you have too many things. I am both poor at organization and have too many things. But having Audrey living there… the apartment is definitely cleaner.
[Patricia chuckles.]
Very opposite living styles, huh? I’ve been thinking of getting blackout curtains myself. I’ve heard they work very well!
I like this next question: What’s your favorite memory?
My Dad is British and has a lot of that “stiff upper lip” and lack of emotion garbage that comes from the brits. I think he wanted a boy, too. But with me, when I started showing an interest in science, especially astronomy, he got excited. I also grew up in The City, we moved to the suburbs when I was older. But growing up in the city, we lived in a house with a flat tarpaper roof that had sort of a hatch access in a linen closet. There was a lunar eclipse, yunno, an eclipse of the moon? And he took me up on the roof. I didn’t even know we could go on the roof. I noticed a little transistor radio and folding chair set out there, so I wondered how much time he actually spent up here. But we sat there and watched the eclipse of the moon together. I think I was seven, maybe?
What a lovely memory! I’m glad you were able to spend that time and passion with your dad. Are you still interested in astronomy now?
Astronomy is fascinating. The utter vastness of the cosmos really made me question the world around me. When I first saw a quasar, I couldn’t believe that it was dozens of light years across, and its gas jets were dozens of light years long. I mean, how do you even comprehend that? Like, Pluto, which I know they say isn’t a planet, but I have issues with that, is only FIVE LIGHT HOURS away. A light year is almost 1800 times that distance. And yet I get upset when somebody parks too close to my car door.
Makes you think. Makes me think, anyway.
Makes me think, too.
[Patricia rubs her forehead.]
And gives me a headache trying to fathom all that!
[She glances at her wrist.]
It looks like we have time for one last question: What does perfect happiness look like to you?
Is it any surprise that this features Audrey? Y’all probably can see right through me at this point. The last time we were together, on a rare occasion that we had nothing to do, we just laid on the couch, and I played Stardew Valley on my ipad and she did the New York Times crossword puzzle. And I remember feeling like I’d never been so happy before, and sitting here today with y’all, I don’t think I’ll ever be that happy again.
I love quiet, peaceful moments like that, hanging out with someone I care about, too. I hope you get many more moments like that with Audrey and other friends!
[Patricia stands.]
Thank you again for coming out today! It was such a pleasure getting to know you, Osgood.
End of interview.
Want to Read More?
Osgood’s author, Cooper S. Beckett, can be found on Instagram and at his website, SpectralInspector.com. You can get the newest book of The Spectral Inspector series, Osgood as Dead, here.
See Ya Next Time
Aaand that's all the time we have today. Thank you, readers, for coming. And thank you, Osgood, for letting us get to know you! See y'all next time.
If you would like to submit a character to be interviewed for a future issue of Fable Features, please send an email to linnae.writer@gmail.com with the subject line: Fable Features.
Please note that erotica and content with excessive vulgar language will not be accepted.
If you have questions you'd like Patricia Parrington to ask in a future interview, please submit them to linnae.writer@gmail.com with the subject line: Interview Questions.
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